Counselling, Psychotherapy and Mindfulness  
that creates lasting freedom. 
 
Tel: 01453 763463 
Mob: 07903 667251 
 
 
 
To invest in yourself is the greatest investment 
 
 
 
Knowing there is a choice is the first step to change 
 
 
 
Realise your full potential 
‘ 
 
 
Move beyond your limiting beliefs 
 
 
 
Are you willing to believe in you, to commit to you? 
 
Some tools I share with my clients in regards to creating solid personal boundaries are: 

 
As an intuitive, integrative counsellor, I help people gain a deeper understanding of their emotions, patterns, dreams and goals. Together, my clients and I create opportunities for self-discovery that allow them to open doors to create the lives they want. One obstacle to living authentically that I see very often is people having soft personal boundaries. 
 
Boundaries are limits we consciously or unconsciously put in place to take good care of ourselves. By using the term “soft-boundaries”, I refer to people feeling that they do not have a choice. When we feel we are without choice we find ourselves doing things we don’t want to or things we think we 'should' or 'must' do. Soft-boundaries occur when we act one way, but feel a completely different way and do it because we feel we “have to”. It can be as simple as saying you will call someone when you don’t want to, or hosting a big event because you feel it is the “right” thing to do. Managing personal boundaries is not a task for the weak hearted! 
 
1. Notice your reactions and emotional responses. Reactions of anger, annoyance or frustration are indications of a boundary breach (or that you are triggered). Often anger, annoyance or frustration results from people allowing themselves to do something they have agreed with themselves not to do. For example: Have you ever experienced yourself saying, “I won’t do that again,” and then find yourself doing it again? That is a very common boundary breach, which may result in feelings of anger towards others or feeling overwhelmed. 
 
2. If you hear yourself say, “I have no choice,” that is also an indication of a loose boundary. Remember - we always have choice. This can be a hard thing for some people to accept, but by setting good boundaries and cultivating compassion for yourself, you can effectively deal with whatever situation presents itself. 
 
3. One of the most powerful tips I offer clients is the use of “I” statements. A boundary breach occurs when we blame someone else for what our experience is. Assertions like, “You made me feel angry,” or “He made me feel sad,” are examples of how using blame results in soft boundaries. Instead, share thoughts or feelings from your perspective, “I feel angry when you say that,” or “I feel sad when he did that.” The “I” statement is a powerful tool for maintaining and declaring an authentic personal boundary, which in turn helps you remain present and conscious about your reactions. 
 
Setting and maintaining authentic boundaries is not for the timid. This type of personal work requires intention – to live a life of integrity and to make yourself a priority. Through consciously setting boundaries, you will find that you live the life you choose, not one filled only with things you feel you 'must' or 'should' do. This process requires the courage to face your edge, but helps you live a healthier, happier life of integrity and meaning. 

Here are some tips for setting healthy boundaries 
 
When you identify the need to set a boundary, do it clearly, preferably without anger, and in as few words as possible. Do not justify, apologise for, or rationalise the boundary you are setting. Do not argue! Just set the boundary calmly, firmly, clearly, and respectfully. 
 
You can’t set a boundary and take care of someone else’s feelings at the same time. You are not responsible for the other person’s reaction to the boundary you are setting. You are only responsible for communicating the boundary in a respectful manner. If others get upset with you, that is their problem. If they no longer want your friendship, then you are probably better off without them. You do not need "friends" who disrespect your boundaries. 
 
• At first, you will probably feel selfish, guilty, or embarrassed when you set a boundary. Do it anyway, and tell yourself you have a right to take care of yourself. Setting boundaries takes practice and determination. Don't let anxiety or low self-esteem prevent you from taking care of yourself. 
 
When you feel anger or resentment, or find yourself whining or complaining, you probably need to set a boundary. Listen to yourself, then determine what you need to do or say. Then communicate your boundary assertively. When you are confident you can set healthy boundaries with others, you will have less need to put up walls. 
 
When you set boundaries, you might be tested, especially by those accustomed to controlling you, abusing you, or manipulating you. Plan on it, expect it, but be firm. Remember, your behaviour must match the boundaries you are setting. You can't establish a clear boundary successfully if you send a mixed message by apologising for doing so. Be firm, clear, and respectful. 
 
Most people are willing to respect your boundaries, but some are not. Be prepared to be firm about your boundaries when they are not being respected. If necessary, put up a wall by ending the relationship. In extreme cases, you might have to involve the police. 
 
Learning to set healthy boundaries takes time. It is a process. You will set boundaries when you are ready. It’s your growth in your own time frame, not what someone else tells you. Let your counsellor or support group help you with pace and process. 
 
• Develop a support system of people who respect your right to set boundaries. Eliminate toxic persons from your life - those who want to manipulate you, abuse you, and control you. 
 
Setting healthy boundaries allows your true self to emerge – and what an exciting journey that is! 
 
 
Being aware of your own boundaries is vital for healthy relationships, with ourselves and others. From my experience every issues that Clients present with are boundary related; either where boundaries are too loose, or too rigid. I offer a safe, non judgemental, confidential space to explore these personal issues, thus finding ways to live more authentically. 
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